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June 1, 2007
Yikes, it's been a real long time since I've written to you. And even though it's been over two years since you passed, I still think of you every single day. And even though the ache in my heart over missing you isn't as wrenching as it was initially, I still long for your wise words, your warm hugs, your beaming smiles, and every other cherished memory I have of you.
In the summer of 2005, we were in Massachusetts for the Boys tour and Kevin surprised me on one of their rare days off by renting a car and driving us down to Wood's Hole. He had your ashes tucked safely in his bus. And he rented us a boat and got special permission from the Coast Guard to let me release your ashes into the ocean that you loved all your life. I cried all day, and he just held me as strongly and lovingly as he's always done and as he continues to do.
For Christmas, (okay, the 26th, a day late, lol) I gave him Alexandra Rose and Nicholas Scott. Allie is older by five minutes, but Nicky firmly believes he's the older brother. They are so gorgeous, Nana, and so incredibly precious. Allie sings in her sweet little girl voice all the time! She's so going to take after her daddy and uncles, and not her mother, thank god! lol. Nicky doesn't talk as much, more silent and a little bashful, but if anyone dares to cross Allie, he's right there with his green eyes blazing. And Kevin... there is no question at all that he's the most perfect father on earth. The love that man continues to shower on me and now his children is just limitless and breath-taking.
I miss him so much right now. He and AJ have been in Japan for almost ten days. Their Never Gone album was slow to take off but by the time the babies were born, they were on top of the world again. And those three Grammys didn't hurt either. They've been in Japan promoting a new album. Of course, Backstreet time still exists, so it won't actually be released at least until the end of summer. That's okay though, none of them are in a rush to get back on the road. In fact, I'm really kinda hoping it gets pushed off til the end of the year.
And the reason for that... lol... is because I'm in labor. Right now. And yes, I'm early once again. And, yikes, I haven't told Howie yet. He's been my babysitter for the last ten days. You see, today is AJ and Howie's second wedding anniversary, and the poor guy is on pins and needles waiting for AJ to get home. Oh Nana, second to me and Kevin, they have the greatest love imaginable. Their wedding was simple and so very beautiful and private. Kevin and I continue to tease each other to this day over who cried more, him or me. You gotta know it was me though, right? lol. Anyways, they kept their marriage a secret until after the Grammy's and after the second leg of the Never Gone tour. And then everyone took a break and worked on solo projects. Both AJ and Howie have won so many awards for their solo albums. I'm so proud of them. Was even more proud when they started promotion for their solo albums and the first thing they wanted the world to know was how deeply in love they were. Actually, I think I was the most proud when their fans embraced them still.
So, I'm getting all these contractions and I'm really hoping to hold off for another couple of hours. I'd like to give AJ and Howie their anniversary present when they're together. :) It's AJ's baby, Nana. I'd promised so long ago that I'd bear their children once I had Kevin's. And while it took a little... okay, a lot of heartfelt discussions to get Kevin to agree, he did. Because he loves them almost as much as he loves me.
Nana, I'm going to pause here for a bit because I need to go hide in the bathroom or something...lol. I'll be back.
Sorry for the delay, Nana. It's several hours later and Kevin brought me my laptop to the hospital because he knew I had to finish this properly.
You are now the great-grandmother of another little girl. Caroline Liberty McLean-Dorough. Born on her two daddies' second wedding anniversary at 11:58 PM. Just like her Daddy AJ, she arrived just in time. And I know I'm incredibly biased, but she's just stunning. The biggest, most beautiful brown eyes on earth. AJ and Howie haven't had a dry eye in hours...lol. Kevin can't stop crying either. He's got such a beautiful soul.
This weekend, the seven of us are moving into the Island house for the rest of the summer. It's perfect, as is my life.
I'm really tired now and full of tears. Kevin is waiting patiently nearby to crawl into bed with me and he's going hold me and love me forever. AJ and Howie are saying goodnight one more time to Caroline and then they've called dibs on the loveseat over in the corner. :)
I've been so blessed these last few years, Nana. You absolutely must be smiling down on me because all your dreams for me have definitely come true.
I'll love you forever and then some.
On April 19, 2004, we began a wild and usually strange journey together, in the BSB-RP community. Several of us decided to branch out from there and play in our character journals for several months, and then on August 23, 2004, this community was created to help us organize a little better. In the 16 months we've been together, we've seen some changes, we've called do-overs a few times, and laughed and cried together on many, many more occasions. It's time to say goodbye. I wish I had a more eloquent, gentler way to do this, but right now words fail me, although tears do not. That's always the way it seems.
I'd like to thank everyone who has ever played a part here at Backstreet-Bops. I'd like to thank our readers, because we know you're out there, even if you aren't on the 'watched by' list. :)
And last, I'd like to thank Kevin, Nick, Brian, Howie and AJ. Without them and their music, there would have been no reason to be here.
It's been a hell of a ride.
Never Gone never far in my heart is where you are.
Always close everyday every step along the way
Even though from now we've got to say goodbye
I know you will be forever in my life "never gone"..
::It's been a long, hot day. Libby opens the french doors to the back portico and inhales deeply. The star-filled dark sky of the evening, accompanied by a welcomed soft breeze from the ocean, lure her outside. She stands in her bare feet on the flagstone and listens to the soothing sounds of the trees swaying gently, the crickets chirping from off in the distance, and the gentle humming coming from both the pool filter and the half-sized refrigerator behind the bar. As she turns to look at the bar, a soft grin curls her lips. She opens a bottle of Kevin's preferred wine, sets out two glasses and lights a trio of short fat white candles. She places all of these items on the glass top of a wrought iron table near the sofa facing the darkened back yard. Mere moments later, soft music wafts from the speakers and the tiny white lights wrapped around the columns of the portico create a very romantic setting. Libby slips back into the house, scoots up the stairs to their bedroom, strips and quickly changes into a long white silky nitegown. She washes her face, brushes her teeth and runs her fingers through her hair to soften her curls. She's almost out of the bedroom when she stops suddenly, giggles softly and scoots back into their large bathroom for a few squirts to her neck, cleveage and wrists of lavendar, cypress and jasmine scented body mist.
She finds Kevin still at his piano in the living room, where he's been for the last couple of hours. The stiffness of his spine and the flexing of his fingers hovering over the keys tells her instantly that he's slightly frustrated. She places her soft hands on his shoulders and massages gently as she kisses his ear::
You're going to be stiff as a board if you keep sitting here, Professor. Come take a break outside with me. Maybe stepping away from this for a while will help?
::she steps to the side so that he can see her attire and holds out her hand to him, a very loving smile on her lips::
All right, all right! The moment you've all been waiting for! Well, okay, the moment ANNIE has been waiting for!
Annie, come on over here, baby. You just sit right here in the special Birthday Girl Chair, and mommy and I will hand you your presnts, okay? Smile for Aunt Libby, baby, she's taking videos!
::he points toward Libby, and they all three smile, the balloons that are tied to Annie's chair forever getting in their way::
All right ... present number one ....
::the last balloon has been blown up, the table is set, the cake is waiting, just inviting her to drag her finger through the icing and a few presents from Mom and Dad are waiting by the fireplace - alright, already, let's get this show on the road!!!::
Moooommmm...it's time. Why hasn't the party starte- ::and just when she was about to give up on anyone, because for heaven's sake, they're not 20 minutes early, the doorbell rings:: Oooh!!!!!
::runs to the door and squeals when Neisha, Tami and Lucas shout a "Happy Birthday" to her from the porch::
You're the first ones here! ::spins so they can check out her birthday sun dress and lets them in, calling out to her parents who so happen to be standing right behind her on the foyer::
OH! You scareded me! C'n I show 'em my new certificate, or do I haveta wait for everybody???
Hi, Trace, it's Lulu McCartney.
It's been a few days, and I thought I'd see if you'd like to meet for coffee, or something? I'm going to a birthday party for my niece later this afternoon, but I'm free at lunch time? Or after the party?
Call me. Bye.
::folds the quilt and drapes it over the arm chair, looking around the family room one more time, making sure it's suitably clean for the party later in the day. She spots a few stray toys in the corner and sighs, heading to the patio to find Annie::
Anna Belle Patrick! I asked you to clean up all of your toys from the family room. Not just the ones you could carry in one trip.
::stops jumping rope, tripping over the rope, and sighs, equalling the exasperation in her mother's voice:: You made me lose count!!!
I'm terribly sorry - had you done as I asked, that wouldn't have happened, would it? Come on. Put the rope away too - we're going to be late.
::Annie huffs one more time and drapes the jump rope over the nail just inside the garage and goes to do her mother's bidding - you'd think she'd been asked to scrub mold out of toilets::
Nick? You almost ready, baby? I'm gonna go gather the stuff...we put it in our closet, didn't we?
::doesn't wait for his answer and heads upstairs and pulls down the small fire-safe lock box from their closet, unlocking it as she sits on the bed to find what she's looking for. She grins as the ever important document sits on top, waiting to be sent through its final processes. She unfolds it and goosebumps cover her arms as she remembers the day Nick presented her with the papers - her birthday, only a few short weeks ago - and all that led up to this day::
Anna Belle Carter...::she reads it again on the Petition for Change of Name forms and grins, Nick's boyish grin coming to her mind as he watched her open the envelope at their birthday dinner. It was just the three of them - the new family - but Nick had insisted he and Annie cook everything. Darcy wasn't even permitted to do up the dishes when they were done. After opening some smaller gifts - oils from the Seychelles that Nick had some how snuck into their luggage, framed pictures that Annie had drawn, and a gift certificate for a spa day, there was but one gift left - and it was a big one...in every way possible::
::hears shuffling in the doorway and looks up, seeing Nick quietly watching her:: Hey...::bites her bottom lip:: Are you nervous?
This is a friendly note to those of you who read this community, but are not active players. In the next posts, we are jumping ahead several months in time in a
sad pathetic feverish earnest attempt to get back to real time, or as close as we can. Face it, we could rp every minute of every day and still have things left undone. So, we had a little meeting of the minds and decided to take a leap of faith and just do it.
In this community, we are jumping from the honeymoon in early March, to May 1, Annie's birthday.
Thanks for reading, and I hope you're having as much fun reading as we are writing!
::jumps out of Lucas' arms and darts toward the security, peeking down the hall in hopes that she'll get an early glimpse::
Is it time yet? Is it time???
::He emerges from the hot tub, about as relaxed as he can be...slowly he walks down toward the studio, unplugging his iPod, he heads straight for the hammock, climbing in and wriggling a bit to get comfortable...Settling the iPod on the towel still draped around his hips, he leans his head back and listens to the music he downloaded off the studio computer..His brow creases slightly as Howies soft, emotional voice fills his head..::
welcome to my heart...? Wow...shit..